The Next Generation of Difference

Editor: Dina Mora

There was a time when predictable statements like “You’re not a typical black girl.” Or questions such as “Why do you dress that way?” used to get to me, but not anymore. Now, I can say in the 23 years of my life’s existence, I have finally made peace with who I am. I may be different from other girls but there is nothing wrong with that.

No, I was not going out to parties in High School. I didn’t do much in college either, and I wasn’t the type to have one-night stands. But that doesn’t make me lame or a “Goody-Two-shoes.” It’s just simple, if I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to do it. 

In school, I identified as the “white-black girl.” In college, I identified as the “non-wild black girl,” because people typically resort to such phrases when they recognize a person as different– Their minds set in a stereotypical model. 

Growing up, I didn’t think much about it. I kind of shrugged it off and went on about my day. But now, thinking back, I was more aware it bothered me more than I wanted to admit. I just never spoke on it.

I went to predominantly all-white schools with only a few black students. I always felt like I did not fit in with the black kids because I was “too white.” When I think back, I am not sure who brainwashed me, or why I thought that way in the first place.

As I got older and attended Middle and High School, those feelings continued to stick with me. It became apparent when those types of statements came out of someone’s mouth (not even toward me but to black people in general) it really was more of an annoyance than anything else. But I do wonder why the world seems to revolve around such horrific and ignorant stereotypes.

I have often asked myself why these stereotypes exist. Ones that say black people are not deserving of good things, can’t “act right,” or get an education. We are labeled as “poor, ghetto, unkempt,” or numerous other negative connotations that so easily come out of people’s mouths. The perception and bias about the black community, that we are viewed in such negative ways, stirred an anger in me. One thing was very clear, any person choosing to buy into those stereotypes were not my friends. It became clear they only saw me as some kind of trend or something to tell their other friends. Proudly bragging to guard their reputation, “Well, I’m friends with a black person.”  Sorry, I refuse to make it that easy for someone to say they are “friends with a black person” if that “black person” is me.

College was a whole different ball game. There was no more “white-black girl.” I was always too different for the crowds forming and wasn’t interested in being around massive bunches of people. I also am the type to need only a few good friends to not feel alone. I had my few, select ones along with the dance community at my school. It was great.

I liked to spend my Saturdays in, and kept to myself. I had no interest in being flat-out drunk at a party. But I’m comfortable in knowing this doesn’t make me a boring or lame person. It means I refuse to follow the patterns of others. Instead, I stay in my groove. During my time in college, I learned doing my own thing will make some mad, but they will get over it. I will not care at all because everything I am doing; I’m doing for my own benefit– not someone else’s. 

The one lesson that has stuck with me, and I will continue to take through life, is there are always going to be people who are not going to like what you’re doing, or about to do, what you wear, how you speak, or how you present yourself. They are not shy about making it known what they do not like. But that is okay. If you are your true self, what does it matter what people think or say?

Final Reflection

Don’t pay any mind to those with negative things to say. Only you are living your life. There will always be people who say things because of how I dress, because I’m bald, about how I present myself, or simply because I’m black. They live by these stereotypes, deciding what I should and should not be. No, honey, we are not doing that. Yes, I may do things differently and they may be things you don’t like but that is okay. I will continue to mind my own business and stay in my lane, not caring about the hatred you ooze into the world. 

Ladies, listen. Don’t ever think you need to do anything someone tells you. Please, never feel ashamed of being different. Yes, I am a black woman and I look different from other women. Yes, black women are uniquely different, but what is the problem with that? We are all created differently, a beautiful quality which allows us to identify as our own person. To be different means to define who you are and set yourself apart from others. Let people know you are different! Hell, yes! You will wear those bright-yellow, platform sneakers. Who cares what people think? It is time we stop pretending not to hear statements or notice belief systems along the lines of “black women should be bitter, ghetto, or have no place in roles of power.”  It is time we become the next generation of difference.

Remember to all my ladies, teens, and girls out there; you are beautiful in everything you do. You may do things differently, but that is perfect. Forget those beliefs that your hair is “too big,” your attitude is “too much,” or your voice is “too loud.” Nothing is ever “too much” when it comes to you and your unique personality, beauty, and essence. You were never meant to be like others. You are your own person, unique and different. 

To quote my favorite poet and female role model, Maya Angelou, 

“I am a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.”