Work hair: How I Stood Up to My Bosses’ Microaggressions

Editor: Taige Hale

It usually starts with a job search. Then, an application is filled out and a cover letter is tailored for the position. Next, we wait. We check our emails every few minutes and answer every unknown phone number that calls in hopes to get that first interview. When it comes, we’re ready. We pick out the outfit, the shoes, apply makeup and … then decide how “ethnic” the employer sounded on the phone. We go over the conversation in our heads and wonder if their dialect is one that would appreciate your Afro or if you should run a straightener through your coils. So here it is – the first dilemma we approach before we, as black women, even enter the office building.

When I was hired with my current employer I wore my hair in a low bun. I laid my edges and made sure my curls were toned down enough, as to not prompt those oh-so-annoying questions: “Is that natural?” and “How do you get it to do that?” My VERY least favorite, that often doesn’t even warrant an answer: “Can I touch it?” Fortunately, during the interview, I was only offered compliments on my “cool hair” by the other employees – who, by the way, offered me no hope of a diverse environment at a glance. Needless to say, I got the job and started the very next week.

Working as a music teacher is a fun job. I’ve gotten to turn my passion into money. It’s been mostly rewarding, but the longer I’ve worked for these employers, the more I’ve come to realize the inner workings of a toxic, diverseless, microaggressive environment that I’ve felt quite trapped in. So, after the first six months of working there, I began compiling a record of all the guff I’ve faced there, and, unsurprisingly, much of it has had to do with my hair.

For the Record

Sept. 26, 2019: I wore my hair wrap today and my boss asked if I was Muslim. When I said “no,” he hinted at me to not wear my hair wrapped again as it made clients “uncomfortable.”

Oct. 5, 2019: I wore my box braids into work for the first time and every single person immediately went to touch them.

Oct. 7, 2019: I still had my box braids and my boss asked me if all of my hair was real; then proceeded to tell me he thought it was gross that the braids weren’t real.

Oct. 12, 2019: There was another box braid incident where a student in front of their parent told me my hair looked “weird” and asked when it would be “normal” again, the parent looked at me inquisitively.

Oct. 14, 2019: I took my box braids out last night and wore my natural hair again, to which my boss reported he was “happy I was back to my sheep hair.”

Now, I would include the full record, but I can already feel the women reading this post fuming, so I know you’ve had enough. You may be asking – why would you put up with this? Did you report it to HR? Why didn’t you just quit? Well ladies, these are all valid questions. I often ask myself the same. However, I work for a small family-owned business. The father is the big boss and his two sons are the managers. The “HR” department is the big boss. So in this case, what can be done? I’ll tell you what I did – in hopes that if any of you are in the position I was, you’ll read my solutions and they will give you the courage to take action.

Resolution 

When I first approached my bosses with the microaggressions I was experiencing, I approached them with a timid demeanor. I started out by suggesting they keep their own and other employees’ comments to themselves so that I could feel more comfortable in the work space. But when that was met with a strong assurance that microaggressions, and slightly prejudice rhetoric, were not actually a part of what I was experiencing, I realized I would need to take a different approach. 

I approached the other teachers, I told them how I felt about the environment I was surrounded with and how, oftentimes, even their own words and actions hurt me. They were much more receptive and I felt supported. So much so, that being the writer I am, I crafted a detailed email to “the bosses” explaining how these small comments about my hair made me feel. I then forwarded my portion of the email to the other employees and they added their own grievances about the environment. At the end of the email we compiled our names and hit send. 

The very next day “the bosses” had a meeting with everyone and apologized for a lack of handling and actions in the past. They promised to do better and created an open door policy that now allows each of us to reach out to an unbiased third person who was hired from an HR firm in order to handle grievances like mine.

Advocate for You

Now, everything isn’t perfect. Sometimes a comment is made by a new employee, student, or a parent. But overall, the environment has changed. I now wear my hair how I want to. I wear it proudly, and I don’t feel uncomfortable with the comments because I know there is a place to go when they are made. I guess what I’m really trying to get at is two things: 1. Advocate for yourself – no matter the consequence. And 2. There is safety in numbers. Sometimes bosses feel that they have more power and they often dismiss the claims of an individual. But, working with fellow employees to assert what you need from your employers can play a huge part in getting you the support and change you deserve.