It’s not me, It’s you

Editor: Katherine Dollison

Discrimination: the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.

About a month ago, I stopped at a gas station to buy some alcohol. 

As a non-American, I am required to present my passport as a valid form of identification. There has never been a problem in the past as it is literally the document TSA accepted when they allowed me into the country. I was surprised when the cashier immediately began to talk to me in a condescending manner, demanding an American ID. She simply refused my passport for no reason she could give when questioned.

Her mannerisms, attitude and tone indicated she believed she was superior to me, that she did not need to provide a reason for denying me in spite of the fact that all was in order.

She was a white woman. I am not. The situation was confusing and embarrassing, made worse by the other patrons growing agitation at my refusal to back down. As though I was simply meant to accept being discriminated against and move on.

After I left I went through the scenario over and over and had no choice but to believe this incident was based on the colour of my skin. For almost two weeks after, I dealt with the emotional consequences of that negative encounter. I questioned my worth as a human being, I ran through each part of it, the words she had said and how they made me feel. 

It’s likely that she hasn’t even thought of me since and yet her actions affected me so profoundly. 

As a South African born woman of colour, racism has always been a part of my life.

Perhaps not always manifesting in people’s behavior toward me directly, but in the stories my mother tells. How she was treated during Apartheid. How white people ruled over people of colour, expecting them to comply without argument. The wounds left on my country that still weep to this day.

For those of you who don’t know, Wikipedia describes Apartheid as systemic racial segregation that existed in South Africa from 1947-1990.

But words don’t convey meaning.

A Wikipedia definition does not explain what it’s like to be kicked off a beach because of the colour of your skin. To be called racial slurs and psychically threatened or injured by someone who believes they are better than you because their skin is fairer than yours.

The worst part about this twisted behavior is that it was allowed, legal, encouraged. 

“Slegs blanke”; “Whites only”.

What did they do to deserve preferential treatment? They were simply born with less melanin in their skin. And yet, melanin does not determine intellect, personality, hopes and dreams. Whether one is good or bad. The effect their lives and actions will have on the world.

So why then, was it a gauge of someone’s social standing? 

How can this be in 2020? The age of the internet and self-driving cars.

Where a black man was president. In fact it is black inventors we have to thank for refrigerated trucks, automatic elevator doors, three signal traffic lights, home security systems, mailboxes, caller ID and call waiting.

Remind me again why we are considered lesser by some? 

Though Apartheid did not occur here, racism is clearly still present, as it became obvious with my experience. American history is still steeped in white supremacy, entwined in the legacy of slavery. And though the ability to own a human being was abolished in 1865, the inequality based on colour persists still.

The frightening part in all of this is that I got off lightly. In the USA, if you are black, being denied service is at the bottom of the list. Here, you need to be afraid of being in your own home with the door locked, walking home alone with a violin in tow, taking off your seatbelt, birdwatching, or having your neck knelt on after complying with police. Black people are regularly shot and killed or held for no reason other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Black Lives Matter, but not to everyone.

I would like to add that after my encounter, I did not keep quiet. My husband and I called the liquor board, spoke to a lawyer and finally to the owner of the gas station. Everyone was in agreement that I had done nothing wrong. She was reprimanded for her behaviour.

I struggled with emotional turmoil but in the bigger picture, it could have been worse.

Thankfully I get to go back and show her that I won’t be silenced or treated as lesser than.

If only it was that easy for every other person of colour in this country.

And so I say, for all of those who no longer have a voice, we are equal. We have worth.

There is nothing wrong with us, it’s the prejudiced who need to change.